Hallelujah Highway

Celebrating the Journey

The House that Love Rebuilt ~ Rae

on January 31, 2014

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I have fallen in love with my husband. That’s not to say I didn’t love him before, but this time it is different.

We were married in 1996 and our wedded life started out normally.  Fast forward 10 years to a very rough patch from 2007-2009. Things got bad. My husband started staying away from our home as much as possible and I started to be happy to see him go. The relationship had become toxic as we couldn’t have a conversation without fighting.

There was the “car incident” that revealed how childish and immature we were behaving. We were fighting and had reached the point of yelling. My husband pulled over and told me to get out in the middle of a not so nice area.  I huffed and puffed, and got of the car and off he sped. Now, I knew darn well that he would drive around the block and come back to get me, but I am the “Passive Aggressive Queen”.  So I ran to a nearby grocery store and hid. I waited, practically giddy with mischief as I peeked through a store window and sure enough I saw him driving through the parking lot. He began calling my cell phone over and over which I ignored.  I called the one person I knew who would drop everything and come get me, my crazy best friend. Nikki raced over and I went off with her on some errands. My cell phone rang persistently. It wasn’t until my mother called that I answered.  As a last resort, he had called my parents to see if they knew where I was. I assured her I was fine and would be home later as I thought, “I sure showed him.”

The absolutely worst part of this story: both my daughters were in the back seat of the car during this whole escapade.

Toxic- right?

We split for a while and he moved into our motorhome (in our back yard). We were miserable. We both visited lawyers to go over the process for divorce. We just about gave up.

Just about.

I went to a therapist. He went to a therapist. Eventually, we went to marriage counseling together. And our marriage was saved.

Just about.

We have been a work in progress ever since. We had said and done awful things that we both regretted but now made us guarded. We circled around each other on tiptoes. We kept our defensives up. We stood with one foot in the relationship and the other foot ready to run out the door.

Then something wonderful happened.

My husband shattered his right leg at work. Hold on! That’s not the wonderful part. The wonderful part was that through his recovery I was able to become a selfless caring wife. It began as I took care of him. I made him a cheesy gift basket filled with random items that he might need or want during his stay in the hospital.  He was out of work for 4 months and couldn’t even walk for much of that time. So, I packed him an ice chest with breakfast, lunch, and snacks every day. I cared for him; in return, he began to lower some of his walls.

During this time, my stubborn husband would walk when he wasn’t supposed to; drive before he should; and tried to do all his normal activities. One evening, the whole family was out in the front yard enjoying a nice summer night. My husband lost his balance and began to fall. I tried to run across the drive way screaming like a banshee to catch him! Fortunately, he was able to catch himself with his crutches and did not hit the ground. The four of us spent the next five minutes laughing hysterically at the sounds I had made as I tried to run.  As my husband caught my eye, I saw something had softened in him.  Even though I ran like a crazy person my husband could tangibly see that I cared about what happened to him.

Then something else wonderful happened.

I somehow hurt myself. Again, not the wonderful part.  From early fall to midwinter, I bounced from doctor to doctor trying to find out what was wrong with me (physically- not mentally- that would take a lot more doctors).  Finally, a surgeon determined that I need surgery on the 3 bulged discs in my neck.  I didn’t notice at first but my husband was doing more and more things around the house for me. He was being sensitive to my pain and did everything he could to make me more comfortable. He even let me sit in HIS recliner! When my surgery date was set, my husband immediately told his work that he would be taking a short leave to take care of me.

Anyone think God has been trying to get our attention over the last year(s)?

It was there. It was there even in the worst times. Love did not leave our marriage; it had just been pushed to the side by our selfishness.   I knew he would not abandon me in the ghetto.  We both could never seem to pull the trigger on the divorce gun we were waving at each other.  He moved out, but not really. It was only when we truly put each other first, that LOVE was able to fill our hearts.

  • In sickness and in health —  Check!
  • In good times and in bad – Check!
  • As long as we both shall live- working on it!

easter2013raeray


7 responses to “The House that Love Rebuilt ~ Rae

  1. Kari Gallaher says:

    And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

  2. Sharry says:

    That is so awesome, raw and REAl!! We went through something very similar in our marriage I think lots of marriages have. It reminds me of ” Fireproof” Awesome movie about just what you described. God Bless you both and blessings for many many years of being in LOVE! I know when Mike left everything and moved and supported me in being with my mom while she was sick, I saw him with new eyes and that started us both on our journey of falling in love with each other again and stronger. 29 years and we are working on till death do us part too:) I love you guys!!

    Like

  3. Stacy says:

    Such a touching post! Thank you for sharing your personal relationships woes and wows. So happy to see that you two have found your way back to each other. Inspirational!

    Like

  4. Stacy says:

    relationship’s 😊

    Like

  5. Thank you! This was a very raw personal piece for me.

    Like

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