Hallelujah Highway

Celebrating the Journey

Surrender to a Weighty Teacher~ Kristi

on October 16, 2013

I have battled my weight for too long.  Just like I did with loneliness, I made my weight my biggest teacher.  If my poor eating habits have endured for decades, I needed to ask myself: what are these poor habits here to teach me?  I know the sweet taste of weight loss victory as I lost 50 pounds this time last year.  But, I also know the bitter taste of self-sabotage as I allowed myself to eat some of those pounds back.

These are just the beginning of the lessons I have learned as I surrender to another great teacher: my weight.

I must:

1.)    Be present.

I am good at setting a goal and doing whatever it takes to reach it.  Fitness gurus and magazines suggest using this strategy for weight loss.  At this point in my life, I cannot use this mentality.  It activates my overachiever, and she creates too much expectation.  If I don’t live up to these expectations, shame creeps in and shame feeds the critical voice in my head.  That ends with me eating an entire bag of chips to numb out from the ugliness of shame.  Instead, I have decided that I will just show up and do work.  I don’t try to control how the one workout will affect the overall outcomes.  I show up, trust the workout process, and wait for the organic results to manifest.

2.)    Think I am worth it and ask for help.

My default setting in life is martyr.  I am great at putting everyone needs first.  I am more than willing to put my responsibilities before taking care of me.  I am horrible (and by horrible, I mean atrocious) at asking for help.  My ego has a very hard time admitting that I don’t have it all handled and that I cannot do it all on my own.  The hardest admission ever:  “Ok.  Ok!  I admit it.  I need help.”  I need someone to come in and help me make time to work out because I am working on knowing I am worth it.   Sometimes that help comes in the form of going out to dinner instead of cooking or hiring a housekeeper/gardener.  Sometimes it means asking the 16-year old down the street to come babysit so I can have a few minutes to go to the gym.  I am not saying that doing so is easy.  It isn’t.  It is just necessary and I must honor this need of mine.

3.)    Understand that my weight is a symptom of my overall health.

If I am emotionally stable, I eat better.  If I am in a good mental space, making good choices is easier.  If I am spiritually connected to God, I want to take care of His body temple.  My eating and workout schedule reflect the other aspects of my life.  Therefore, I seek moderation, which is nowhere in my gene pool or in my repertoire of life tools.  I admire the people who can eat just two Oreos.  That’s not me as I can eat two rows of Oreos in record time.  Moderation, or finding middle ground, takes work and extreme awareness.

4.)    Stay in my lane and not compete with others.

In the summer Olympics in London, Sanya Richards-Ross, a gold medalist in the women’s 400m, said something about winning the bronze in Beijing that stuck with me.  As ESPN.com reports Richards-Ross saying: “I think what I did four years ago incorrectly was I didn’t stay in my lane and run my race,” she said. “I’ve had four years to think about it, and I’m not going to make that same mistake tomorrow.”  I have learned it is not about competing with the people around me as we all have different demands on our time, levels of commitment, and motivations.  It is about doing my best.  Sometimes just getting changed and getting in the car is my best; sometimes my best is a surprisingly strong performance.  If I compare myself to everyone around me, I will never feel successful, especially in a Crossfit gym where girls pump off pull-ups like they are as easy as eating bon-bons.   I compete with the voice in my head that tells me to stop and with the part of me that loves to be sedentary.  So, when I start to compare myself to others, I hear, “Stay in your lane.  Stay in your lane.  Stay in your lane.”

5.)     Celebrate the little victories.

Previously, it has been hard for me to celebrate the positive things I do because I don’t want inflate my ego and get a big head.  I think being humble is a very, very important quality in life.  But, I have learned that diminishing the good I do doesn’t serve me either.  I have learned I must celebrate the series of small victories along my road as celebrating the small victories are my way of honoring the work I have done, which is important.  In order to stay humble, I have learned it is about celebrating your achievement in that moment and then moving on.  My achievements do not define me—my character does.

Being healthy physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally will be my life’s work—not losing weight.  I know the number on the scale doesn’t define me and the size of my jeans doesn’t determine my beauty.  This process of getting healthy is really about being the best me I can be in that moment.  It is a process of finding my happiness, forgiving myself for failing, not holding myself to the standard of perfection, and breaking behavior patterns that are not for my best and highest good.

Weight


2 responses to “Surrender to a Weighty Teacher~ Kristi

  1. lisap says:

    Love this, Kristi!
    lisap : )

    Like

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