Hallelujah Highway

Celebrating the Journey

The Dilemma ~ Kristi

on May 22, 2013

I am a woman with issues… major issues with clothing…

For example, I have stains on most of my shirts because my food usually nose dives off my fork and onto “my shelf” (AKA: the girls).  My shirt is sporting a coffee stain because I spilled coffee on the top of my car as I set it down to find my keys.  Despite my efforts to wipe the spill up, there was one sneaky drip that dived like a kamikaze suicide mission to taint my gorgeously pure and innocent white shirt.

IMAG1972Evidence of the coffee drop kamikaze suicide mission

A few weeks ago, I was writing on my white board with my back to the class.  My student teacher jolted up, tackled me from behind, and dragged me over to my desk.  A student had pointed out to her that my old skinny jeans had split down the back pocket and I didn’t know because my granny panties protected my cheek from “the breeze.”  I tried to hide it with my long blue shirt, but despite my tunic tugs, my co-worker ended up sewing up the bottom of the ever growing chasm of a tear while I stood in front of her at lunch.

Or, how about the day my wedges tried to kill me?  Now, these were not my 4-inch wedges; these were my comfy, low wedges with the cute flowers on the toe.  I was minding my own business while walking in the parking lot.  That stupid little rock and my wedges had plans to thwart me.  Oh, yes!  My ankle rolled.  I went down HARD!  IPad went flying, purse contents dumped, and asphalt grime jumped onto my white jacket from my not-so-graceful tuck and roll.  I laughed at their foiled attempt to kill me. Then, it happened again.  During my first period of teaching, I was standing at the white board talking about a body paragraph’s topic sentence.  The rolled ankle gave out and I dropped like “it was hot.”  Ok!  Ok!   I dropped to the floor like a large sack of potatoes.  My students sat there in shock and my student teacher came running because she thought I had fainted.

Clothing issues are nothing new to me, and “Camping on the Beachexposed a dilemma I couldn’t write about due to its nature as a sweet memoir.

Dilemma: To boob, or not to boob?  That is the question!

I know!  It is a dilemma of epic proportions.

I am sufficiently gifted in the boob department.  I am not gifted with “GGs”, but I have ample.  Despite their age and child-feeding experiences, I can put the girls in a good supportive bra and we can “work it.”  Except at the beach!

At the beach, the girls leave me with two options:

1.)    to look cute in a my zebra bathing suit which causes minimal tan lines, but offers less-than-desirable support (see Exhibit A)

Exhibit AExhibit A

2.)    to wear a functional, T-backed bathing suit that will hold the girls in place and offers great support (see Exhibit B)

Exhibit BExhibit B

Every time I go to the beach, my mind quarrels over which bathing suit to wear.  Part of me REALLY wants to look cute in my zebra bathing suit.  But, when I wear Exhibit A, I know that my girls will somehow, someway make an appearance.

Last summer my daughter and I went to Huntington Beach.  Because there was a hurricane in Baja, California, the waves were the largest I have seen in twenty years.  The torrents of a very powerful wave tore us from of our feet and we went tumbling.  I lost hold of my daughter’s hand and she swirled away from me.  Terrified, I went to stand up, but the torrents had torn my girls from Exhibit A.


1.)    Save my daughter and be on the next video “Girls Gone Wild” Huntington Beach edition

2.)    Save the girls and hope that my daughter channels her inner “Baywatch,” finds her footing, and saves herself.

I would love to say picked #1. Out of fear of judgment, I will “say” it was a combination of #1 and 2.  Wearing Exhibit B would have saved me from such a dilemma.  Since the functional, T-backed bathing suit would have contained my girls, I could have leaped up and saved my daughter without hesitation.

Exhibit B is a great functional “mom-at-the-beach” suit.  I can play in the waves, boogie board, and be free to do whatever suits me because my suit has no limitations.  But, there is nothing sexy about Exhibit B, which reminds me of the years and years of competitive swimming, lifeguarding, and swim lesson teaching.  How can I feel attractive standing next to the scrawny things in their triangle topped bikinis while donning Exhibit B?  I don’t.  I find solace in the scrawny things in their triangle topped bikinis are rarely up and moving around.  In fact, they are usually lying down on their blankets and tanning like mannequins.  I think lying on a blanket sunning myself for hours is freaking boring and I would rather be playing with my daughter on the beach.

I love my zebra bathing suit, but I have decided that my “Girls Gone Wild” days should be over and it has been demoted to the “just-going-in-the-spa.”  The bottom line is: I am a mom who wants to be a part of the action.  I am about making memories and enjoying these fleeting moments with my daughter as she will only want to play with me for a little while longer.  And, in twenty years, she won’t remember what bathing suit I was wearing and neither will I.

2 responses to “The Dilemma ~ Kristi

  1. Stacy Dedeaux says:

    You had me laughing the whole time. I am right there with ya!


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