Hallelujah Highway

Celebrating the Journey

Things Motherhood Taught Me ~ Kristi

on May 17, 2013


1.)    Mr. Exhaustion will not kill.  Instead, he will make you very cranky. Your loved ones will plot your murder, not him.

2.)    No momma gets a gold star… or money… or fairy wings… or a raise… or diamonds… or a backrub without other intentions… for having all the laundry done and put away, the house clean, the groceries bought, etc.  We just get more work!  Motherhood is a gracious giver like that.

3.)    The standard in motherhood is “organized chaos,” not perfection.  The perfect Pinterest world does NOT exist.  But, those moments when you get a “Wow!  This is great!”makes you feel like maybe you have it all pulled together.  Maybe!

4.)    Children have an innate ability to find the secret “after-bed” snack you buried your frustrations into the night before.  They can’t find their shoes, but they can find the one crumb of a Chips Ahoy that fell behind the kitchen trash can as you tried to bury “the evidence” under larger pieces of trash.

5.)    Mommies need time-outs, too.  When we give too much and have nothing left to give, we get a little pissy; for that reason, time-outs are necessary.  Chocolate and a patron margarita help with these mandatory motherhood time-outs.  (Even if that means you end up eating around the spot where maybe you caught your cat eating the brownies.  Hey!  Don’t judge!)

6.)    An occasional F-bomb will not permanently damage a child.  I grew up with them and I am a contributing member of society with no felonies.  They are just a child’s cue that mommy really means it and they help relieve the pent up momma stress.  (Just offer to help pay for the child’s therapy later in life from the trauma of the occasional F-bomb!)

7.)    There is no greater blessing than the family friends who have kids of similar age and values.  Get-togethers are so nice when the “parent closest to the action/argument/problem” can step in and administer the appropriate parenting action.

8.)    We need help!  Sometimes going without a pedicure for years is worth the housekeeper that comes in once a month to wash the “I-will-get-there-eventually” orange juice sticky patch off of the kitchen floor.  Working mommas need stay-at-home mommas because stay-at-home mommas are the sweet classroom helpers running the reading groups.  Stay-at-home mommas need working mommas because they are the bank teller taking the deposit (so the debit card smoking from overuse still works).

9.)    Teething sucks!  The terrible twos suck! Puberty sucks too!  But, the years in between are rockin’.  Right? Right!?!  RIGHT!?!

10.) I will only shop at the store with the red-bulls eye.  The blue store with the yellow happy face makes me want to beat my child.  I do not advocate beating children, but all the kids (and adults) running through that blue store “actin’ the fool” make me want to punish my child for their horrid behavior.  For my child’s sake and because prison orange is not my color, I will pay the extra $.68 for shampoo!  Or, even better, let me go online shopping while I am sitting in my pajamas and watching “Jerseylicious.”  I love the box with the smile on the side…

11.) Every mom needs that friend you knew before children.   She reminds you of how you were before motherhood sucked out all your coolness like the sparkly vampire you have grown to love because that is the movie/book series your “tween” girl and you share.

12.) Yoga pants (or pants with elastic waistbands) are acceptable in most cases.  Just throw on a cute, long-ish top.  No one one will know!  But, bras are required.  Everyone will know!

13.) Bribery works and is just positive reinforcement. Don’t feel bad.  It’s a win-win situation!

14.) As my mother says, “I am either a good example or glaring warning.”  Due to all the endearing motherhood moments, I vacillate between the two despite the promises I made to myself as a young girl to do it differently than my mother.

15.) Motherhood goes too fast.  It seems like yesterday that I was trying not to “kill” my newborn out of sheer ignorance. Now, my daughter is 6 going on 10.  Being grown is around the corner of Puberty Place and Teenage Boulevard!  I must fight to stay present and enjoy the good, bad, and ugly!

I wouldn’t trade anything for motherhood.  It is the most ridiculously challenging job I have ever done, but the rewards are beyond words.  Thank you motherhood for making me a “better” woman.

[Ok, enough typing!  I must venture back into being “Mother of the Year” and put my little tomboy to bed.  Shoot, I already displayed my awesome mommy credentials as she ate dinner by running through the front door, grabbing a slice of watermelon or a ravioli, and running back out the garage door onto the cul-de-sac to play “ninja-bike-warriors” (Nerf guns included) with the boys.]

3 responses to “Things Motherhood Taught Me ~ Kristi

  1. Kanerva says:

    Working mommas need stay-at-home mommas because stay-at-home mommas are the sweet classroom helpers running the reading groups. Stay-at-home mommas need working mommas because they are the bank teller taking the deposit (so the debit card smoking from overuse still works). => we need more posts like this to put out the mummy-wars flames! Brilliant post 🙂


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