Hallelujah Highway

Celebrating the Journey

I am Not Your Friend ~ Rae

on May 15, 2013


Recently, my husband and I broke my nine year old daughter’s heart. I guess as a parent it’s inevitable at some point, but still not a fun experience.

My daughter had made the comment that I, her mother, was her BEST FRIEND in the whole world. I know that is so sweet, right? But my husband told her that I wasn’t. At first she thought he was joking, but he repeated firmly, “No, your mother is not your friend. Neither am I.”

She ran crying into my arms very upset. She expected me to disagree with him and reassure her that I was indeed her friend in fact her bestest friend. 

Sigh- Parenting is hard!

I had to look into her precious brown eyes and say, “Your daddy is absolutely right. I am not your friend. I will not keep your secrets; I will not support you in risky decisions; I will not let you say or do things that I believe are wrong.  I will not be just your friend.”

She looked very confused and still very hurt.  I tried to explain:

Friends come and go in and out of our lives. I asked her to think of my two wonderful “best friends,” Kory and Nikki.  I asked her to think about how often I see them, which is once a week or once a month.  Neither one of them were my friends when I was little. In fact, I rarely see any friends from my elementary school days.  I also reminded her that I recently “broke up” with a very good friend of mine. This friend and I, who have known each other for years, no longer speak at all. Then, I asked her to think about my relationship with her grandmother. Sure, I have deep intimate conversations with my friends.  But, my mother knows me inside and out. She knows my flaws and loves me in spite of them. She knows my weaknesses and accepts them without reservations. I see my mom almost daily. I talk to her multiple times a day. I love my friends, but I LOVE my mom. I would take a bullet for my friends, but I would kill for my mother.

She still looked doubtful, so I went on:

I am something much better than a friend.  I am your parent. That means I will love you no matter what you do and be there for you no matter what happens. I will listen, but I will give you feedback. I will tell you when you are wrong and I will celebrate you when you are right. I will care for you when you are sick and I will support you when you need me. I will forgive you always and I will never turn my back on you. I will hound you and brag about you. I will punish and reward you. I will cry over you and rejoice over you. I will spend every waking moment of my life protecting you and pushing you. I will yell at you and hug you. I will be frustrated with you and proud of you. I will NEVER let you go.  

I am not your friend.

I am your mother.  

I don’t think she fully understood, but that’s ok.  I will spend the rest of my life showing her.

2 responses to “I am Not Your Friend ~ Rae

  1. Charlene says:

    I have to say I have that very special relationship with my mother! The Day each of us Girls graduated High School she came up to us gave us a hand shake and said Hi I am Brenda Your Friend, I will always be your Mother but I am now able to be your friend!! Very Special!


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