Hallelujah Highway

Celebrating the Journey

Thy Will Be Done ~ Kristi

on September 20, 2012

Reflections on “You can’t get there from here”

Soul sister, speak some truth!  I mean speak some bone chilling, stop-me-in-my-tracks, transform-every thought-from-now-on truth!

If I get brutally honest, and I feel very exposed doing so as these are the masks I wear to conceal my unfaithfulness, I am the deaf man to which your priest refers.

Despite my optimistic, think-it-until-you-make-it disposition, I am guilty of having selective spiritual hearing in some areas of my life, but especially when it comes to marriage.  I have not prayed with the unwavering faith and knowingness that God loves me SO MUCH that he will give me my deepest desires.  Instead, I am guilty of turning to distractions that keep me busy while I wait for my husband—my beloved and soul mate—to arrive.

Jen, in your post you wrote you didn’t have a Plan B if your husband didn’t arrive.  Guess what?  I have Plans B, C, D, E…Shoot, I am like the Cat in the Hat—LOL!

Let me take a risk and be transparent so the examples of distractive selective spiritual healing get exposed to the light of transformation and change:

1.)     I have used my goals and aspirations as a way to pass the time until he arrives.  Since I am an over planner by nature, I have planned every moment of every day as I strategically position all the cogs, wheels, and gears of my life in an upward spiral.  Yes, everything I have done has been a love and passion of mine, but it has kept me moving at a neck breaking pace and with little room to meet “the one.”
2.)     I have researched, planned, and spoken about my desire to teach abroad if “the one” doesn’t show up in the next little while.  It is possible that this is just an escape plan from the reality that he has not shown up yet.  Yes, I really do have the desire to teach abroad, but what I really want is a man who could go with me abroad and we could live out the dream together!
3.)     I have let the disintegration of my previous relationship rock my faith in my ability to attract “the one.”  I have let the voice of doubt, grief, and anger silence the truth of the situation—my previous relationship was excellent for me (and my daughter).  He taught me how to trust, rely upon, and love a man again.  While he was not the one due to fundamental differences in our approaches to life, he was a good man.  He didn’t leave me wounded.  In fact, he left me more open, more willing to be vulnerable, and more capable of healthy intimacy.  Yes, in the quiet moments, doubt, grief, and anger may creep in, but I must trust…I must trust that he is out there still.
4.)      I say that I am lucky to have my daughter already because that helps with the dating pressure that some thirty year old women feel due to their biological clock ticking.  I can approach a date with a sense of clarity and freedom that some thirty year old women do not because they have having a baby on their brains.  Yes, I am blessed to have my daughter and all her awesomeness, but it demonstrates my ability to waive off my possible desire to have another child with “the one” (if I so choose).
5.)     I have used my insecurities (i.e., weight and being too assertive) to rationalize away not praying with every fiber of my being for “the one.”  I have given thoughts like, “When I lose this amount of weight, I will attract him…” or “When I have more money to dress more stylish, I will attract him…” too much power.  I gave away my power stones.  Yes, maybe they are true to an extent, but maybe they are not!  Maybe I need to just tell that voice to shut up!

Jen, you and your priest are correct.  I must stop the selective spiritual hearing.  I must feel deep within my soul that He will provide my deepest desires because I am His blessed daughter.  I must quit trying to manipulate this situation with my own logic and grow my faith.  That means I must lay my ego’s control freakish ways at the feet of the Almighty.  I must surrender to His plan and when I say surrender, I do not mean passive, curl-up-in-a-ball, wave-the-white-flag kind of surrender.  I mean moment by moment, actively choosing to put down my need to control or understand and be more aware of opportunities to be more faith-filled.  Every empowered part of my being must stand up, arms wide open, face pointed to the heavens and say, “Thy will be done.”

I thank you for being God’s lips and speaking your truth.  I am forever grateful.  As I am moving into my thirty-third year on this planet, I set the intention for this up and coming year to put these truths into action.  I must have my faith like a mustard seed.  I must chose surrender to the divine plans of a loving, merciful, kind, and awesome God.

With my arms stretched outward and my head held high, HALLELUJAH! Thy will be done!  HALLELUJAH!


3 responses to “Thy Will Be Done ~ Kristi

  1. Tracee says:

    You are one of the young women that I have most admired in my life. Please accept this reaffirmation of your “light”. You do still manage to shine to those who truly see you regardless of your single status. Having the one, only means that God has brought you through all you need to experience on your own (or with Ms. Cutie-Potie). Live each day as you are lead to live, shinning with the inner joy that helps others to get through their day. He will send Mr. Right when you’ve fully given up on all the other false trails. Oh, by the way, you rock any outfit you wear, even if it didn’t fit the “norm” for today’s style. Keep on being you! And write more dialog, I love reading all the posts. 🙂

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